Mea Culpa
by YellowDancer
Summary: Troubled by the knowledge of Raziel's future fate, Kain pays a visit to his firstborn and tries to come to terms with what he must one day do. One-shot. KxR


**Author's Note: **

**This fandom has been sucking out my brain for quite some time now, and it was only a matter of time before I posted a story related to it. This particular one-shot takes place during Kain's empire before Raziel's execution. I thought it seemed logical that Kain would have had to put two and two together at some point and seen enough of the future to know what he was going to have to do to Raziel. This story is about how he copes with that knowledge. All of this makes Kain a bit sentimental, so I suppose he might be a little out of character because of that. I'm also assuming that Kain's and Raziel's relationship was bit more physical at one point in time, which I think is fairly reasonable considering all the awkward tension and provocative language in the games. Plus, it's rather fun.**

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The revelation hit Kain harder than he had expected.

Dread haunted his dreams and hung heavy over his shoulders as he wandered around the sanctuary and found the empty halls to be less than comforting. His thoughts whirled, anxiously struggling to devise another solution that would be more palatable and less painful, but every time he worked the equations he came up with the same conclusion. It seemed that there was no other way.

The fact that he still had several hundred years to wait for that abominable moment did nothing to reassure him, and he spent several weeks brooding in Raziel's old chambers before he finally decided to do something about his gloomy state.

Now that the war was won and his lieutenants had divided up the land among themselves, they rarely left their fledgling clans and returned to the sanctuary. Every ten years or so they would reunite to celebrate their supreme victory, but beyond that they only gathered to settle the occasional dispute or witness the rare evolution of one of their brethren. Kain had been satisfied with their absence and never took it upon himself to visit their clan holdings unless his presence was specifically required, but he knew he couldn't wait another five years or more to come to terms with this potential loss.

Knowing he would be establishing a precedent, but too troubled by his revelation to care about the repercussions it might have among the competitive band of brothers, Kain gathered up the Reaver and a few small items before setting out to pay Raziel a visit. He morphed into bat form as soon as he stepped out onto the terrace, disinclined to delay his arrival now that he had made his decision.

Kain arrived within the gates of the Razielim's stronghold unnoticed, transforming back into his true form after landing on a small balcony overlooking the complex. Frowning down at the young vampires on guard who had failed to notice his presence, Kain stepped into a dark hallway and crept around a corner, as cautious as if he were in enemy territory. He was curious to see how well Raziel had managed to defend his keep. Both Zephon and Dumah had attacked Raziel's territory within the last five years and failed to do much more than breach the borders, but neither of those brothers had much talent for covert infiltration.

He managed to slip past a few other inattentive vampires, though these at least sensed his presence before he eluded their grasp. Raziel's vanity was reflected not only in the elegant comfort of the decor but also in the inherent beauty of every vampire Kain encountered on his way through the complex. Smiling wryly at Raziel's impeccable taste, Kain wondered if the worth of Raziel's chosen extended beyond their surface attributes.

Slowing when he heard the sound of Raziel's voice, Kain ducked into an alcove just inside a spacious courtyard, settling back to watch a sparring match between two of the Razielim. They were both relatively young and recently turned, but Kain had to admit that both of the attractive fledglings demonstrated potential that had nothing to do with their pretty faces. Raziel stood on the other side of the courtyard, arms crossed over his chest and eyes attentive as he watched the combat closely. He interrupted the match periodically to correct their form or coach them on an aspect of their offense, pacing around them slowly to improve his angle as they fought.

Kain had to smile at the intensity of Raziel's gaze as he regarded his fledglings, noting that Raziel badgered his offspring as tirelessly as he had badgered his brothers...and his sire. To his credit, the young vampires were well-trained already, their fighting style highly reminiscent of Raziel's own. They would do well in a fight with any human, though they would be lucky to fare as well against another vampire— but that had more to do with their youth than their training.

After watching several rounds of students fight, Kain was amazed by the respect and damn near awe with which the Razielim regarded their leader. And though Raziel treated them all with that same indifferent politeness that had often tested Kain's patience, at least two of the fledglings demonstrated more than passing interest in their lord. To his amusement, Kain caught one vampire closely regarding Raziel's backside as he waited for his turn, and another blushed fiercely when Raziel placed a hand on her hip to improve her form.

Oblivious to all the attention, Raziel nodded with sober satisfaction when the last pair had finished their brawl. "That's enough for today," he announced with a small smile and the group began to reluctantly disperse.

An older vampire stepped out of the shadows on the opposite side of the courtyard and clapped a hand to Raziel's shoulder. Kain raised an eyebrow at the familiar gesture, though he was mildly reassured by the way Raziel nearly jumped out of his skin in reaction to it. His companion was oblivious to the response, though, grinning toothily at the younger Razielim as they wandered out of the courtyard. "They're getting better," he said proudly. "Aren't they, lord?"

Raziel nodded. "Yes. Greatly improved since their last training."

"Especially Liara. Did you know she caught three humans on our last hunt? She had to share with her sister because she had bit off more than she could chew."

Frowning as his companion laughed, Raziel murmured, "I shall have to teach her better restraint. She was undoubtedly excited, but that is no excuse for wastefulness."

"Speaking of that..." The vampire looked up at his lord with an expression that set Kain's teeth on edge; the hand perched on Raziel's shoulder tightened possessively. It went without saying that the vampire was attractive; with hair like spun gold and a tan, muscular build that he had no qualms about displaying, he was one of the most beautiful creatures Kain had ever seen. Kain might have thought even more of his looks if he hadn't been standing so close to Raziel. "I'm afraid I was a little overeager in the hunt last night as well," the vampire said with feigned shame. "I saved one of my catches for a snack, but I thought it would only be polite to share."

Raziel's golden eyes narrowed. "Micah," he said in that disapproving tone which usually preceded an incensed tirade.

Before Raziel could say another word, Micah raised a hand disarmingly and said, "No, I insist. In fact, you can have the human all for yourself." Micah released Raziel's shoulder and took a step away, rubbing at the back of his neck uncertainly. "You look rather gray today, lord." Peering up at Raziel from beneath his disheveled mop of hair, Micah added, "When was the last time you fed?"

Raziel opened his mouth to respond but did not speak, a chastened expression on his face when his mouth closed again a moment later.

Knowing his gesture was useless since no one was even aware of his presence, Kain shook his head, distracted from his worry over Raziel's future fate by his concern about Raziel's current disregard for his personal well being. He had taught Raziel better than to neglect his health, but of all his lieutenants, Raziel was the least mindful of that particular lesson.

"That's what I thought," Micah said with a small smile. "I left it tied up in your chambers. But don't wait too long. It looked rather delectable and I might get there first if you don't hurry." Sensing Raziel's growing vexation, the younger vampire fled down a hallway with a jaunty wave.

Raziel's expression softened when the vampire was gone, a wistful twist to his lips as he regarded the empty doorway. Alone now, his carefully constructed walls faded until Kain ached inside at the transformation, seeing the pride in Raziel's eyes, the affection for his creations. Kain knew now what the loss of his clan would do to Raziel, how that sin would dwarf even his own personal agony. If he thought his sacrifice would save his clan, Raziel would gladly suffer any indignity, but nothing he could do would save them. Kain had no choice but to see to that.

Slowly, Raziel's expression changed, his eyes darkened as they swept across the courtyard and settled on the very spot where Kain was standing. His hand hovering over the sword at his side, Raziel raised an eyebrow and took a step forward, his lips curling with an arrogant twist. "Show yourself," he demanded calmly. "You have been skulking in the shadows long enough."

Kain mourned the gentleness that had graced Raziel's face a moment before, but found pride of his own in his child's sharp perceptions. "Are you certain you do not want to feed before challenging an adversary such as myself, Raziel? I won't take pity on your lack of foresight."

Blinking in surprise, Raziel's hand relaxed on the hilt of his sword, his expression caught between suspicion and wonder. "Kain?" Worry gathered his brows together. "Has something happened?"

A soft laugh rattled out of Kain's throat as he stepped out of the alcove. "My appearance needn't always be accompanied by calamity, Raziel." Noting the fledglings walking past a balcony above and glancing curiously down at the courtyard, he added, "Perhaps I merely wanted to pay a visit to my firstborn. See his progress with his clan. Is that so surprising?"

"Yes, actually." Raziel cleared his throat, his lips twisting with amusement.

Raising a brow, Kain stated, "I must admit I'm rather disappointed with your defenses. I walked through your entire keep without a single vampire managing to slow my progress. The guards at the front gate were particularly inattentive."

Raziel retorted tartly, "They are trained well enough against the other clans. I believe I'll take your disapproval under advisement since I imagine you could deceive even me if you wished it. I can hardly train an army to predict the movements of the great Lord Kain, after all."

"Such insolence, Raziel. Perhaps the root of the problem lies with their master." Kain took another step toward him, tilting his head as he regarded Raziel appraisingly.

Raziel's eyes flashed with angry fire as he turned away stiffly, striding toward one of the doorways lining the courtyard. His pace was fluid but unhurried, and he clearly expected Kain to follow though he did not look back. Kain decided to appease his lieutenant for the moment, gliding along in Raziel's wake as he led the way down a number of branching corridors and watching how the Razielim bowed their heads respectfully when they saw their lord, but exchanged curious and fearful glances at the sight of Kain.

"What have you told them about me to make them tremble so?" Kain murmured, matching Raziel's stride as they turned down a less inhabited hallway.

Glancing at him briefly, Raziel made a soft sound of exasperation. "You should know the rumors well seeing as you spread most of them yourself."

A pang of doubt stabbed at Kain's self-assurance. "Do you never speak of me to them yourself?"

Raziel hesitated. "Occasionally."

Turning on his heel, Raziel pulled open the door at the end of the hall with a flourish and elegantly gestured Kain into the room ahead of him. Frowning at the unnecessary fanfare, Kain stepped into the spacious room, quickly recognizing it as Raziel's personal chambers, not least of all because of the aforementioned human left bound and gagged at the foot of a broad bed draped in dark curtains. Raziel pulled the door shut behind him and crossed the room leisurely, pausing at the crook of his crest where it was emblazoned on the thick rug beneath his feet. He was regarding the human with a hint of a frown, his claws twitching at his side.

"I don't recall you ever leaving me such an appealing present, Raziel." Kain commented, crossing his arms over his chest.

Ignoring the jab, Raziel shifted his solemn gaze back to Kain. "Are you going to tell me why you're really here, Kain? Or are you going to force me to continue guessing?"

That explained why Raziel had brought him to his chambers; he had obviously assumed that Kain had skirted the truth before because of the public locale. Unfortunately, Kain had no intention of telling Raziel what was truly bothering him whether they were standing in the middle of a crowd or on the far side of the moon. "I've already given you my answer."

Raziel shook his head slowly, that crease forming between his brows again. "No. I can tell that something is wrong."

His eyes drifting shut, Kain smiled bitterly and drew a deep breath to collect himself. "You are paranoid, Raziel," he said when he was calm enough to control his voice. He wasn't sure what he had expected. Of course Raziel would sense his turmoil; his first lieutenant had always been preternaturally aware of his moods. "Nothing is wrong," he continued with a weary smile. "And that is the difficulty. I have been dreadfully bored of late." Leaning back against a desk, he continued softly, his words colored by an insidious smile, "And I came here so that you could entertain me."

The suggestive tone was not entirely lost on Raziel as he shifted in discomfort, glancing again at the human. Kain's claws clenched at the edge of the desk as he drank in Raziel's profile, silken obsidian strands brushing against porcelain skin, every line of his lean frame balanced and perfect—and achingly beautiful. Flinching as the terrible vision danced again before his mind's eye, Kain grit his teeth and tried to expel the horrific tableau; blue, sinewy flesh that clung to the scattered remnants of bone, the flare of pale eyes burning with betrayal and the scattered threads of wings that would never fly.

"Kain."

Raziel had crossed the room while Kain was lost in his unpleasant reverie, standing nearly toe to toe with him now and looking up at him with concern. Unprepared for his proximity, Kain merely returned the gaze and struggled to keep his angst hidden away.

"Are you unwell?" Raziel inquired, a youthful curiosity in his eyes as he raised a hand cautiously to Kain's face. His claws brushed lightly against Kain's skin and the teasing touch was more than Kain could handle.

Gripping Raziel's hips roughly, he turned them so that Raziel was the one pressed against the desk and smiled at the startled expression on his lieutenant's face. "I'm much better now," he murmured, his smile widening as Raziel pushed back against him, testing his strength—or at least his resolve. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against Raziel's jaw, growling softly at the familiar, heady scent of that creamy skin.

The captive human moaned suddenly, startling them both with a reminder of their true nature.

Pulling back enough to meet Raziel's eyes, Kain tried to judge the hunger in them.

Raziel's eyes narrowed suddenly. "You chastised me for my poor feeding habits," he said sharply, "but I can see that you have not been taking care of yourself either. You are at least as starved as I am."

Caught off guard by the comment, Kain blinked in surprise; shocked more by the fact that he had neglected to notice his own need for sustenance than by the way Raziel had pointed it out to him so bluntly. Had he been so consumed by the horror of his revelation that he had forgotten to feed? Rage at his own folly filled him, and inevitably redirected itself at Raziel, for it was only because of his weakness for his first lieutenant that the insight had affected him so deeply.

Before Kain could construct an adequate response, Raziel took advantage of his inattention by slipping out of his grasp and stalking across the room to the human. Pulling the man up by the scuff of the neck, Raziel considered him pensively before looking back at Kain. "He seems healthy enough. A scant meal for two, but certainly a feast for one. I can find plenty of fresh blood not far from home, but I imagine the pickings are slim around the sanctuary now since that area has been cleansed." He nodded at Kain, offering the human to him. "You should take this one. I can find myself another." The human protested wordlessly, squirming in Raziel's grasp, but he could do nothing to evade the cruel grip of Raziel's claws.

Kain frowned. "Raziel," he said archly. "I did not come here for a free meal."

Raziel's expression drew tighter as if he wanted to scowl but was trying to refrain from submitting to the impulse. "I insist. I believe the humans call it hospitality."

Approaching the human with a weighing gaze, Kain lifted the creature's chin and the abject fear pooling in those brown eyes prompted a small smile on his lips. "Your favorite pet chose him for you. Are you certain you're willing to part with such a generous gift?"

This time Raziel did scowl. "My favorite pet? This may be difficult for you to imagine, but I don't think of my children as pets, to be given treats when they obey and kicked when they fail to please me. I would rather—" Raziel's words died in his throat when Kain turned a cold glare on him; trust Raziel to focus on the wrong thing.

Shifting his gaze back to the human, Kain gathered brown hair between his claws and pulled the man from Raziel's grasp, simultaneously wrenching the creature's head to the side and exposing a thick, sinewy length of neck. He might have shared the man with Raziel before, but now he had no reservations about taking all the blood for himself, and he savored each drop, drawing it out slowly and fighting against his hunger to make the feeding last. Now that it had been aroused, his dormant hunger was clamoring for his attention, but he wanted Raziel to see clearly what he had refused.

Kain drew the human close as he fed, cradling the shuddering body against his own like a lover and nuzzling against his neck with mock passion. The human collapsed with one last muffled whimper, but Kain held the body a moment longer while it continued to twitch, looking up at Raziel over a messy wave of brown hair. The hunger in Raziel's eyes was quite obvious now, but he tried to cover the need with an angry sneer that almost—but not quite—managed to mar his inherent beauty.

Dropping the body and tossing it aside carelessly, a slow smile spread over Kain's face as he regarded Raziel's expression. "Your darling has excellent instincts. That human was...exquisite." Licking a drop of blood from his lips, he added thoughtfully, "Perhaps I should thank him personally for finding such a specimen. Micah, was it?"

He could nearly feel the hairs rising from Raziel's skin as he bristled. Raziel knew better than to raise a claw to him, but he could sense the muscles coiling to spring nonetheless, waiting for a reason to cross that line. "Is this the reason you paid me a visit? Did you come here merely to torment me?" Raziel's voice was raw and breathless, deeper than was natural.

"Is that jealousy in your voice, Raziel?" Kain brushed a claw lightly along Raziel's collarbone and took a step closer. "But I wonder...jealousy of whom?"

Raziel flinched, but kept his mouth shut, shapely lips trembling ever so slightly.

"Your beloved child...or me?" Tracing teasingly light touches over Raziel's chest and down his side, Kain smirked as his firstborn set his jaw with rebellion and refused to meet his eyes. "Odd that he should deliver his gift directly to your room and leave it at the foot of your bed," he commented, feeling Raziel's muscles tighten beneath his claws. "But perhaps he is well acquainted with your bed chambers."

Eyes widening, Raziel hissed, "It seems that I am not the one suffering from possessive tendencies."

Kain lunged at him, gathering Raziel into his arms and cupping the back of his head so that he couldn't turn away. "Don't fool yourself, Raziel. I created you and I can destroy you just as easily." He said the words as if they meant nothing, though that very power was what had been haunting him for days. Then, fondly, as if the words were a plea rather than a statement, he murmured, "You will always belong to me and no one else."

His eyes sliding shut, Raziel seemed to consciously relax in his arms and Kain took the gesture as a signal of submission. Rather than put further strain on their relationship, though, he chose not to take an unhealthy advantage of the unwilling compliance. Pressing a gentle kiss against Raziel's lips, Kain apologized wordlessly for what he now knew he would have to someday do. He teased a response out of Raziel's hesitant lips and won a brief taste of tongue, reassured by the tangle of claws in his long hair and the pleasant heat of bare skin as Raziel leaned into the embrace.

The vision enveloped him again and he clutched Raziel closer, imagining the narrow hips and fragile length of spine, the hollow frame of a rib cage. No flesh to touch, no lips on that ravaged face, only the ragged lengths of hair and a tattered cloth to create the illusion of wholeness.

Though he had intended to take things slow, he had Raziel on the bed a moment later, claws desperately exposing pale skin, lips and tongue helplessly devouring the reality of Raziel's existence and the warmth of a body that would someday be out of reach and cold to the touch. Raziel was obviously startled by his passion, but did not object as Kain rushed through the act, biting down on his cries as Kain's violent caresses possessed him, surely causing more pain than pleasure. _Why can't I stop hurting him?_ Kain mused as he surrounded himself with Raziel's heat. _Why do I only cause him pain?_

Relinquishing Raziel's lips long enough to take a gasping breath, he caught a glimpse of golden eyes in the dim shadows of the sequestered bed, concerned by the weary tolerance in those eyes as he relentlessly assaulted the body beneath him. Too ravenous to hold himself back long enough to ensure that his consort truly enjoyed the experience, Kain reached the point of no return and went barreling past the boundary without looking back, clinging to Raziel through the waves of release and losing track of everything as he came plummeting back down to the ground and drifted off into a light sleep.

Kain expected to wake up alone, knowing that there were certainly some discretions Raziel would refuse to accept. Still drowsy, he roused himself from the pleasant fog of sleep and saw the faint glow of sunlight pressing against the black drapes enclosing the bed. He was lying on his stomach, half of his body still wrapped around Raziel's and his face tucked against the crook of Raziel's neck. Surprised to find himself still entwined with his lieutenant after the ruthless way he had taken him, Kain was too stunned to even move for a moment.

Claws combed gently through his hair, lightly brushing against his spine, and he both felt and heard Raziel sigh. "Will you finally tell me what is bothering you now?" he murmured.

Kain chuckled wryly. "Surely your curiosity wasn't what motivated you to endure that without a complaint?"

Raziel's claws paused against his back. "Oh, I have some complaints. I will no doubt be sore for some time, no matter my healing abilities." Sighing again, he continued, "But I couldn't deny the strength of your need—though I still don't understand it. If you were simply lonely, surely your pride would not have been enough to hold you back for so long."

Lightly brushing his hand up Raziel's side, Kain murmured, "I think you underestimate my pride."

"Tell me what is wrong," Raziel insisted.

Pushing himself up on an elbow, Kain gazed down at him with a frown. "You are too tolerant of me."

A small smile touched Raziel's lips. "Yes, I am."

Without another word, Kain rolled them over so that Raziel was on top. Then, bending his neck to the side and brushing his hair out of the way, he made a silent offering, knowing it was hardly enough to make up for what he had done or what he had yet to do. "You still need to feed," he murmured, watching the uncertain realization dawn on Raziel's face.

"No." Raziel started to scramble away, but Kain caught him around the waist and pulled him back.

"Stop being foolish. This is the least I can offer in return for the way I abused you."

Giving in reluctantly, Raziel lowered his head to Kain's neck, fangs bared. He paused just above Kain's skin, his breath hot as he murmured, "I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself."

"I will stop you before you take too much."

The pain was intense, but bearable as Raziel bit down, sharp teeth breaking skin effortlessly. Kain cradled Raziel's body as he fed, gently stroking silken hair as he felt the life slowly being drained from his body. Despite the unpleasantness, he gained some peace of mind from the exchange, even smiling as he heard Raziel purring softly in contentment. His head was spinning by the time he finally severed contact, firmly pulling Raziel's head back and pressing a kiss against his forehead as he did so.

Raziel's breath caught in his throat as he leaned against Kain, trembling ever so slightly. "It's been a long time," he murmured, licking the wound on Kain's neck gently to close it.

"Lord Raziel?"

The knock at the door made Raziel stiffen. "Just a moment," he called out to the disembodied voice on the other side.

Kain recognized the voice of Raziel's precocious fledgling and realized he had interfered long enough. Sitting up cautiously, Kain claimed one more kiss from Raziel, tasting the bitter tang of his own blood in Raziel's mouth. Forcing himself to let go, he slid off of the bed onto legs that were mildly weak; he had given more than he probably should have, but he had never been good at denying his firstborn.

Preoccupied with putting his clothes in order, Raziel didn't notice him walking toward the window until he began unlatching it and pulling it open. "What are you doing?" he hissed softly.

"Be sure to thank your pet properly for the human," Kain said wryly. "Maybe his adoring touches can make up for my cruel ones."

Raziel caught his wrist. "Kain."

Laughing at the gravity in Raziel's eyes, Kain stole one more light kiss before pulling out of Raziel's grasp and beginning his transformation into bat form.

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**Author's Note:**

**So, there it is. Please let me know if you liked it—and let me know what you think I could have improved if you didn't like it. Like most writers, I love feedback!**


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